Reflections

Don't you ever wonder why this blog has rarely have sort of emo entries? I can tell you why. This is because the author tends to think about this in his head rather than letting it all out. At times, he doesn't say because he either nowhere near a pen and paper to write or he's just bottled it up.

Why does the author bottled up his emotions? This is because he grew up learning to keep things inside. Is kinda like a reflex muscle or an automatic action he does to himself. The answer is simple: he grew up alone.

He didn't had a sibling to talk to much. He has only a "sister" who isn't his a biological one yet has to call her one. She's hard to talk to sometimes as she is ten years older and at times hard to talk to. Parents can't always relate to you the best answers. He didn't really trust in God and he didn't talk to Him often. Only offering mechanical prayer at times of needs. He envies people who has a great relationship with their siblings even though he knows sometimes they can be a pain. But yet, he yearns for one.

He grew weary about his friends. Wondering or not, is he really a person they want to pick around with? The author feels that another cycle is approaching. The same cycle he went through last year. He tries not to think about it, but yet his hearts is constantly being stabbed. As he types this out, he wonders how some of his friends didn't fulfilled their promises to him. That being said, he wonders again how some of his school friends have started to shun him away. Or maybe it was because he was not that important anymore?

At times he wonders whether or not, to simply just remain bottled up as usual. Somehow, he has survive this long years by putting it all up within him. Can he carry up with his life he wonders?

How he yearns for a good friend that can always be there at times. He thinks he has one but he isn't sure anymore. How he longs also for a sibling that looks up to him at times. But will he ever get one? Will he receive such attention?

He tried to find peace by reading the poem he put in his blog. Yet, he doesn't feel any better. He seeks songs that will lift him up. He finds the correct song but doesn't want to listen to it in fear of crying over a silly thing.

In the end, he just wants a friend who is there all the time...
A sibling that looks up to him and enjoys being in the company of him.
He years for companionship.........

That is how Yeow Zim Sen feels tonight...
In all,
he's tired of everything...
He needs someone that will help him out at times like these...